Theology and Relationships

I am not sure what exactly the focus of the big meeting planned for February 2019 at the Vatican will be, but I hope that there is actually a forum and quorum for the issues of relationships as evolving and dynamic, and not static.   We need to have language which articulates respect for each person, and that people are never to be treated as an object. 
Most of the theology of sex and sin when we were young centered on single acts, not on relationships.  For more than 40 years, we have had theologians who are Teilhardians in the assessment of progress of human culture and well-being.  We have been able to discuss the theology of marriage, and of good theology in general, as a deepening conscious integration of the love of God, and the knowledge that goes with that love of God.  Thus, the issues of honesty, vulnerability, respect, compassion, tenderness, humor, caring, generous listening, accountability, forgiveness, boundaries, self-esteem, etc, which were never covered in discussions about moral theology in the past, are now at the forefront of  how we should be able to form good healthy relationships in safety with other people— not just sexual intimacy but emotionally satisfying friendships, spousal relationships which mature over time, parent-child relationships which also mature over time,  and other kinds of interactions which may contain emotional, spiritual and physical components of intimacy. 
I think it is a good time for us as a church to retire the wrong thinking which got embodied in the encyclical “Humanae Vitae” as a proscription against birth control.  Sensible family planning decisions need to be left to the conscience of the couple, as they plan their lives and take on the burdens of parenthood.  I think we need to address how to include gay people in a respectful way, which recognizes that sex is part of intimacy and love relationships of many kinds.  We need to have informed theology which leans on modern psychology and the best spiritual guidance about being a healthy human being.  We need to aim at protecting people from STDs and traumatic side-effects of having a sexual event which is disrespectful and not loving, such as incest, rape, abuse of a minor, sexual assault, etc.  We need strong proscriptions against sex trafficking, and concerted efforts all over the world to provide shelter for people who are at risk for this modern slavery.  I believe this is actually something our Church should be doing.   I certainly hope that international agreement will happen in making sure there are always 2 adults when children are present, to lessen the risk of a child being injured or taken advantage of in any way.  We need to have strict protocols in place, to protect children from sexual predators.  We also need to do ongoing surveillance and rigorous assessment to keep pedophiles from having access to children;  and to protecting our schools and parishes, with reasonable oversight of committees which include laypeople and parents.  Since sexual assault is a crime, we also need to be sure that predators go to jail, and are not promoted or hidden within the church. We need to have  full cooperation with the law and the police. 
We also need to have  credible pastors, who are attempting to live their own vows in a healthy and humble way.  For this reason, I am even more hopeful that we will now move to have the clergy have the option of marriage, and also that women will be given a wider role in pastoral care.  
Maybe this time, in which my friend Tim’s daughter Katie has embarked on the vocation of becoming a Poor Clare, can be a time of great growth in the Church, equivalent to when Galileo said that the movement in the heavens is such  that the earth rotates around the sun.  

Protecting the pregnant woman’s life: concerns about laws which would not protect the attempt to save the life of the mother

by Martina Nicholson, MD, FACOG:
I have always felt that my vocation was to try to stop women from bleeding to death, in childbirth. The biggest cause of loss of mothers is hemorrhage. Placentas which do not come off the wall of the uterus, called “placenta accreta”, or placentas which are placed over the cervix obstructing the path for birth of the baby, called “placenta previa” are the biggest causes of this maternal mortality. But there are also issues of what used to be called Toxemia, where the pregnancy becomes toxic to the body of the mother, with high risk of stroke, heart attack, blindness and blood clots or hemorrhage. Mothers need to be protected when their lives are at stake. Often there are other children at home, and other family members to whom these women are precious and sacred, in their role as mother. In Obstetrics there must be priority made for the life of the mother. We can not allow a law which excludes from consideration the life of the mother. Doctors and patients in these life-threatening situations must be given the right and the scope, legally, to do what is best in a given rare situation. Many factors may affect the answer of what to do, but politicians should never be allowed to outweigh the medical decision-making.
I am going to add to this by trying to defend doctors. We are speaking about the LAW. Moral authority and religious fervor about personal behavior, and the exhortation to live up to the gift and the grace of pregnancy are a different issue. I feel very strongly that it does not serve us to be blindly pious in our attachment to the sacredness of pregnancy. We have to be realistic when considering the LAW. We can have ideals and goals and moral support and courage for people doing hard things, but we should not criminalize something that you and I know is a hard decision made by layers and layers of scientific and historical knowledge of what to do in rare complications. We need the LAW to be clearly backing up the medical decision-making. And I will add that the protection of the specialists who can do a medical procedure for a person who is in advanced heart failure or kidney failure, or leukemia, not responding to treatment, should be carefully protected and respected for their medical skill. NO woman will ever be forced to have an abortion, and many will choose their own death, rather than undergo what they consider to be killing their own child. But we have to protect the right to life of the mother, and the medical decision-making to try to give mothers that fundamental help.

Protecting the pregnant woman’s life: concerns about laws which would not protect the attempt to save the life of the mother 

On the Camino de Santiago with my son


Pair-a-gringos ambulating

Morning– leaving O’ Cereibro; birdsong, and sun light on the stone buildings, and puddles of fog in the valleys of hills beyond hills at the horizon. Sunrise was magical. Yesterday we left Villafranca early, and walked a pleasant day’s worth—then at Herrerias we took the smooth road instead of the bumpy path. It was a bad mistake– we walked for 3 hours next to the freeway, in hot sun. We finally got to a crossroad with buildings, and I refused to walk any further. We needed about 8 k to get up and back to Cebreiro, and it was 6 pm. Then a miracle happened— a young lady offered us a ride. It turns out that she is working in Paraguay, for a Spanish firm. She is going back on Monday! Her name is Vanessa Garrido. I told her to look up Sonia Fanego of Ybycui, and Marcos Tatewski— what a small world!!! So she got us to Cereibro at 6:45, just in time for 7 pm mass. The Albergue was full since 1 pm, but a sweet Norwegian lady named Reidder had felt sick, so she was moving to the last room in the hotel, and gave me her bed in the Albergue! We went to mass, which was lovely, and they gave a special blessing to pilgrims—we found John McLean in the pew in front of us, and he and Reidder joined us for a great dinner at the Venta Celta, with Matilda, a great hostess. We had met John in Astorga, and it was fun to get another wonderful meal with him. Dinner was Galician soup, stewed ribs, with great flavor, and local fresh goat cheese with honey for dessert. I fell into the sleeping bag & didn’t move til morning. I think we walked 40 k yesterday, uphill. 
Today we are trying to go to Samos. I walked about 6 k, and then felt so done-in I called for a taxi. Andy is a little tired too– and willing. We are on a lovely hilltop waiting for our ride. The birds are singing. I listened to Palestrina for this morning’s hike. Yesterday Palestrina got me through hours of trudging in hot sun. I cannot say anything especially meaningful, but we are in Samos: will try to get to mass tonight, and pray for enlightenment, and sore feet!